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[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital.
Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she
is breathing heavily.]
Monica: Breathe,
breathe, breathe... Good.
Chandler: Next
time, can I say breathe?
Monica: No, last
time you said it like Dracula, and it scared her! Can I get you
anything? You want some more ice chips?
Erica: No, I'm
okay.
Monica: Alright,
I'll be right back.
Chandler: Where
are you going?
Monica: To use the
bathroom.
Chandler: You
can't leave me alone with her.
Monica: What?
Chandler: This is
exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable
with!
Monica: What kind
of social situation are you comfortable with?
Chandler: It's
just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
Monica: You'll be
fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.
Chandler: Okay.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks
at him.)
Chandler: So,
ah... Any plans for the summer?
Erica: I don't
know. Maybe church-camp?
Chandler: Hah. May
not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you
know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Erica: What?
Chandler: Well,
it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know,
because no one can experience both.
(Erica just looks at him like he's crazy.)
Chandler: One of
life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe
there's something even more painful than those things? Like
this.
[Scene:
Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.
Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Phoebe: Morning.
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: What's
that?
Joey: It's my
house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Phoebe: It's a
baby chick and duck!
Joey: Uh-huh. And
I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.
Phoebe: I did not
see that coming.
Joey: Yeah, I
figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that
big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that
special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Phoebe: Yes.
Joey: Yeah. It's a
shame people can't visit there.
Phoebe: That is
the rule, though.
(Ross enters.)
Phoebe: Guess
what? You're almost an uncle!
Ross: What?
Joey: Yeah, Erica
went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the
hospital right now!
Ross: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yeah, and
I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.
Ross: Phoebe, you
were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.
Phoebe: Have you
seen him throw a ball?
Ross: Is Rachel
here?
Joey: Uh, I think
she's still asleep. Hey, hey, how did it go with you guys last
night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.
Ross: Uh, we,
y'know, we worked things out.
Phoebe: What's
that smile? Did something happen with you two?
Ross: Hey, I'm not
one to kiss and tell, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut
up. We totally did it!
Joey: Oh my God.
You and Rachel?
Ross: I know, it's
pretty great.
Joey: So what does
that mean? Are you guys getting back together?
Ross: Oh, I.. I
don't know. We didn't really get to talk.
Phoebe: But do you
wanna get back together?
Ross: I don't
know. It was incredible. I mean, it just felt so right. When I
was holding her, I mean, I never wanted to let her go. You know
what? Yeah, I do. I wanna be together.
Phoebe:
(screaming) YAY!
Ross: Shhh!
Phoebe: (quietly)
Yay!
Joey: So, so is
she still going to Paris?
Ross: Wow, I
hadn't thought of that. I hope not.
Phoebe: Oh, this
is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back
together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are
chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a
musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright
and beaming! And the moon comes..."
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Morning!
Phoebe: Guess
we'll never know how it ends.
Joey: Okay.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey. How did
you sleep?
Rachel: Good. You?
Ross: Good.
Joey: I bet you
did!
Ross: Uh. Would
you guys mind giving us a minute?
Joey: Sure, yeah.
Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
Rachel: Chick and
the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe:
(interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the
farm.
(Joey and Phoebe leave.)
Ross: So...
(He
kisses her.)
Ross: Morning.
Rachel: You too.
Last night was just wonderful.
Ross: It really
was.
Rachel: I woke up
today with the biggest smile on my face.
Ross: I know, me
too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you
think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's
everything you want it to be.
Rachel: Uh-huh. I
know. It was just, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye.
(She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.)
[Scene:
The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica,
Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Monica: It's just
a little bit more, honey.
Erica: Help me!
This hurts!
Chandler: Is it
really that bad?
Erica: Uh-huh! I
think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
Doctor: The baby's
head is crowning.
(Monica walks down to Erica's legs to watch the birth.)
Monica: Oh! Oh my
God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen!
Chandler, you have to see this!
(Chandler is standing by Erica's head.)
Chandler: I'm
okay.
Monica: Chandler,
you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's
the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright.
Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Doctor: Start
pushing. Here we go. Here come the shoulders...
(The
baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)
Monica: It's a...
It's a boy!
Chandler: Wow!
Erica: Is he okay?
Doctor: He's just
fine.
Monica: Oh, you
did it!
Chandler:
(emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other
stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
Doctor: Would you
like to cut the umbilical cord?
(A
nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to
Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Chandler: Well,
that's spongy.
Monica: (to her
son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no
woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the
verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Chandler: I know.
He has your eyes.
(Monica looks at him.)
Chandler: I mean,
I know that's not possible, but he does.
Nurse: We'll just
get him cleaned up a bit.
(The
doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another
part of the room with him.)
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: (To Erica)
Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
Erica: I'm really
happy for you guys.
Chandler: How do
you feel?
Erica: I'm tired!
Doctor: Well, you
don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along
in a minute.
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just
freezes and turns around slowly.)
Monica: I... I'm
sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Doctor: The next
baby should be along in a minute.
Monica: We only
ordered one!
Doctor: You know
it's twins, right?
Chandler: Oh,
yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene:
The hospital. Continued from earlier.]
Doctor: I can't
believe you didn't know it's twins! This has never happened
before.
Chandler: Well,
gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Monica: (to the
doctor) Wait, did you know it was twins?
Doctor: Yeah, it's
here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.
Monica: (to Erica)
Anybody tell you?
Erica: I don't
think so. Although, they did mention something about two
heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's.
They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I
thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
Monica: This is
unbelievable.
Erica: Twins
actually run in my family.
Chandler:
Interesting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
(They walk over to the door.)
Chandler: What do
we do?
Monica: What do
you mean "what do we do"?
Chandler:
(panicking) Twins! Twins!!
Monica: Chandler,
you're panicking!
Chandler: Uh-huh!
Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then
just like have an option on the other one?
Monica: We can't
split them up!
Chandler: Why not?
We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years
later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a
great day for everybody.
Monica: Okay, what
if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Chandler: What if
they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
Monica: Yeah,
because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
Chandler: Monica,
we are not ready to have two babies!
Monica: That
doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if
it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care
if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We
are taking them home, because they are our children!
Chandler: (smiles)
Okay. Shhh...
(He
hugs her.)
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Okay!
Chandler: Okay!
Doctor: It looks
like we're about ready over here.
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
Doctor: Come on,
Erica, start pushing again now.
Erica: Ow!
(Erica screams.)
Doctor: Here she
comes!
Chandler:
(shocked) She? It's a girl?
Doctor: Yeah.
Chandler: (To
Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And
that's enough!
[Scene:
Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Ross: And then she
said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
Joey: Oh my God!
What did you say?
Ross: Nothing!
What do you say to that?
Phoebe: Ross,
you've got to tell her how you feel!
Ross: No way!
Joey: You can't
just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Ross: What?
Joey: Dude, I'm
just trying to speak your language.
Phoebe: Ross,
Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she
did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.
Ross: You really
think so?
Phoebe: I'm
telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where
there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam,
don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away.
Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Can't a
girl finish a song around here?
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hi! So I
just dropped Emma off at my mom's.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Oh, you're
not taking her with you tonight?
Rachel: No, we
decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom
would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.
Phoebe: Wow, eight
hour flight with a one-year old? Good luck, mom.
Rachel: Are you
kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good
luck, Emma!
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
Ross: Alright, you
know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.
(He
stands up.)
Joey: Ross, wait!
Ross: What? What?
Joey: Could you
get me a muffin?
(Ross walks up to Rachel, but Gunther gets there first.)
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Gunther: I... I
know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love
you.
(Ross is shocked.)
Gunther: I... I
don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you
should know.
Rachel: (touched)
Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way,
but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a
man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
(She
kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)
Rachel: Oh... Bye
guys.
(Rachel leaves.)
Ross: Oh my God!
Phoebe:
Unbelievable!
Joey: Hey, you
know what might help?
Ross: I'm not
getting you a muffin!
[Scene:
The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while
two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Monica: Do you
think they recognize each other from in there?
Chandler: Maybe.
Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next
to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through
a vagina and they meet.
Nurse: We're going
to take Erica to recovery now.
Monica: There's
something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the
girl-baby Erica.
Erica: Oh my God,
that's just like my name!
Monica: Son of a
gun, it is!
Erica: Anyway, I'm
gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys.
You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
Monica: Okay,
well, bye!
Erica: Bye!
Chandler: Bye!
Monica: We'll call
you!
Erica: Okay.
Chandler: Have fun
at church-camp!
(The
nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler
smile at each other.)
Monica: Oh, look
at these little bunnies!
Chandler: I know!
You ready to trade?
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Alright,
let's see..
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They
have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around
in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Chandler: We could
trade later.
Monica: Yeah, I'm
good.
[Scene:
Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there.
There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of
the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment.
Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Phoebe: Hey, what
are you working on?
Joey: It's a...
It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
(He
holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads,
"Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left
of the poster.)
Phoebe: How sweet!
Oh, is that the baby?
(She
points at the stain.)
Joey: No, I sat in
the paint.
(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)
Ross: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey. So,
did you talk to Rachel?
Ross: No, and I'm
not going to.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Why not?
Ross: Because
she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened
with Gunther. That did not look like fun.
Phoebe: How can
you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a
more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept
together last night.
Ross: Yeah, and
she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: Yeah, I know
what you mean. I mean, sometimes...
(He
sits down in the wet paint again.)
Phoebe: Uh, Joe?
Joey: Damn it!
Ross: Look, even
if I were gonna tell her, I don't have to do it now. Okay? I'll
be seeing her again. We've got time.
Phoebe: No, you
don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do
you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a
city of Gunthers!
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Mike: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! What
do you have there?
Mike: Oh, I made a
little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be
better, but..
(He
shows them a beautiful banner he has made. It reads, "Welcome to
the World, Baby Bing.")
Ross: Oh my God!
You did that yourself?
Phoebe: Honey,
that's gorgeous!
Joey: You know,
the baby can't read, Mike!
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hi! You
guys, the car-service just got here. I can't believe they're not
home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby!
Joey: Monica just
called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute.
And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Phoebe: Yeah, did
she sound happy about it? 'Cause my friend Ethel's baby was born
with a teeny, tiny beard.
(Monica enters carrying her son.)
Rachel: Oh my God!
Ross: Oh my God!
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
Rachel: Hi! Oh my
gosh!
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Chandler: Hey.
(Everybody turns around.)
Phoebe, Ross, Rachel:
Hey.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but
then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and
Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't
figured it out yet.)
Joey: (To Monica)
Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Rachel: Oh.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two
together. He gasps.)
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: What...
What...
Ross: Okay, okay,
awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
Monica: Yes, it's
twins!
Ross: Oh my God.
Joey: Oh, they're
so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
Monica: (points at
the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby
Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Chandler: Her name
is Erica.
Rachel: Aw..
Joey: Hey, that
pregnant girl's name was Erica.
Chandler: Yeah.
It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
Monica: Yeah, we
named the boy Jack after dad.
Ross: Aw, he's
gonna be so happy.
Phoebe: Oh, Jack
Bing. I love that. Ooh, it sounds like a '40s newspaper guy, you
know? "Jack Bing, Morning Gazette. I'm gonna blow this story
wide open!"
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and
put them down carefully.)
Rachel: Oh my
gosh. Wow, so beautiful.
Mike: (To Phoebe)
I want one.
Phoebe: Oh yeah?
Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
Mike: Seriously.
Wanna make one of those?
Phoebe: One? How
about a whole bunch?
Mike: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh,
we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp
family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.
Rachel: Oh, you
guys, I can't believe this. But I'll leave now, or I'm gonna
miss my plane.
Monica: I'm just
so glad you got to see the babies.
(They hug.)
Rachel: Me too.
Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two
attempt to handle this! Alright, I can't say goodbye to you guys
again. I love you all so much.
Monica: I love
you.
Chandler: I love
you.
Monica: Call us
when you get there.
Rachel: I will.
Ross, come here.
(She
pulls him over to the door.)
Rachel: I just
want you to know.. Last night.. I'll never forget it.
Ross: Neither will
I.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
Rachel: Alright,
now I really have to go. Okay. Au revoir! Oh, they're gonna
really hate me over there.
(She
leaves.)
Phoebe: So, you
just let her go?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, maybe
that's for the best.
Ross: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. You
know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last
night the way she does, okay? Maybe, maybe sleeping together was
the perfect way to say goodbye?
Phoebe: But now
she'll never know how he feels!
Joey: Maybe that's
okay. You know? Maybe, maybe it is better this way? I mean, now,
now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long,
maybe now that you're on different continents.. (Looks at
Phoebe) Right?
(Phoebe nods.)
Joey: Maybe now
you can actually do it. You know? You can finally get over her.
Ross: Yeah, that's
true. Except I don't wanna get over her.
Joey: What?
Ross: I don't! I
wanna be with her.
Joey: Really?
Ross: Yeah, I'm
gonna go after her.
Joey: Yeah, you
are!
Phoebe: Woo!
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
Phoebe: Wait,
wait! Get your coat! Get your coat!
Ross: My coat...
Joey: This is so
cool!
Chandler: I have
no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
Joey: But Ross,
Ross. What do you, what do you think she's going to say?
Ross: I don't
know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't
spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened.
Where - where is my coat?!
Phoebe: You didn't
bring one! My cab's downstairs, I'll drive you to the airport.
Ross: Okay, guys,
wish me luck.
Phoebe: Hurry!
Joey: Good luck,
good luck!
(Phoebe and Ross leave.)
[Scene:
The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is
there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Ross: There's no
seatbelt!
Phoebe: That's
okay. If - if we hit anything, the engine will explode, so you
know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.
(Ross looks terrified.)
Ross: Alright,
alright, let's do this!
Phoebe: Okay!
(A
guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Ross: Hey!
Man: 18th and East
End.
Phoebe: I - I
don't take passengers.
Man: Hey! The law
says you have to accept any fare.
Ross: No, you
don't understand. This isn't a real cab.
Man: Alright, I
gotta report you. What's your medallion number?
Phoebe: My
medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"
Man: What?
Ross: (screaming)
Get out of the cab!
Phoebe: Get out of
the cab!
(The
man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
[Scene:
Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are
there, packing the last boxes.]
Joey: Oh, hey,
hey, can I give you guys your house-warming present now?
Monica: Now, that
you can do.
Joey: Alright!
(Cut
to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that
used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have
disappeared.)
Joey: Ah... Chick
Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from mama!
[Scene:
Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross
has closed his eyes.]
Phoebe: You can
open your eyes now.
Ross: Are we off
the bridge?
Phoebe: Yes.
Ross: Is the old
woman on the bicycle still alive?
Phoebe: Yes, she
jumped right back up.
(Ross opens his eyes.)
Ross: Oh my God,
Phoebe, slow down!
Phoebe: Do you
wanna get to Rachel in time?
Ross: Yes, but I
don't wanna die in your cab!
Phoebe: You should
have thought of that before you got in!
(They drive up to a toll-booth.)
Phoebe:
Toll-booth.
Ross: What?
Phoebe:
(screaming) Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the
glove compartment.
(Ross tries to open a plastic bag filled with quarters, but he's
quite slow.)
Phoebe: Hurry!
Ross: Okay!
Phoebe: Okay.
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has
forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
Phoebe: Damn, that
window is clean.
[Scene:
Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
Joey: Quack,
quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack,
tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, tweet, quack...
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Chandler: We were
wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we
understand you were doing this.
Joey: Okay, I
wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got
you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Chandler: Really?
You got us a chick and a duck?
Monica: Oh, great!
Just what you want for a new house with infants. Bird feces.
Joey: Yeah, yeah,
they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
Chandler: Oh,
don't worry, we'll find them.
Monica: Actually,
I'm gonna go check on the twins.
Chandler: Alright.
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on
something.)
Monica: Oh God!
What did I just step on?
Joey: Oh!
Chandler: It's
okay, it's just an egg roll.
Monica: Oh..
Joey: You stepped
on my egg roll?
Monica: I'm sorry,
I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
Joey: Just put it
on a plate and leave.
(She
does so.)
Chandler: Okay,
let's find these birds.
Joey: Alright.
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
Joey: Wait, wait.
Do you hear that?
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
Joey: Oh! They're
in the table!
Chandler: Well,
that can't be good!
Joey: We gotta get
them out of there!
Chandler: How?
Joey: Oh, oh!
Maybe we can lure them out. You know any birdcalls?
Chandler: Oh,
tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Joey: Well, maybe
we can just tip the table a little.
Chandler: Joey,
wait! The ball!
Joey: Oh!
(The
ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen
in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally,
they can hear the birds again.)
Joey: Oh God! So
what do we do?
Chandler: I don't
know. Maybe we can open this up somehow.
Joey: Okay.
Chandler: No...
It's all glued together.
Joey: Does that
mean we have to bust it open?
Chandler: I don't
know. Maybe.
Joey: Oh my God!
Chandler: I know!
It's.. It's the foosball table.
Joey: All right,
you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have
said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our
men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to
sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Chandler: Did that
movie ever get made?
Joey: It did not.
[Scene:
The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Phoebe: Ross,
where are you going?
Ross: To talk to
Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?
Phoebe: What? What
are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never
chased anyone through the airport before?
Ross: Not since my
cop-show got cancelled.
Phoebe: You have
to get a ticket to get past security.
Ross: What? We're
never gonna make it!
Phoebe: Not with
that attitude! Now, haul ass!
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a
group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
Ross: Okay, if you
could all walk slower, that'd be great.
[Scene:
The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him
her passport.]
Gate attendant #1:
(with a French accent) Madame, your passport please?
Rachel: Oh my God!
I was so afraid I wasn't gonna remember any of my high-school
French, but I understood every word you just said!
Gate attendant #1:
Your boarding pass, please.
Rachel: Oh.
(She
starts looking through her purse, but she can't find it.)
Rachel: Oh, shoot.
I had it. Oh, I can't believe this.
Gate attendant #1:
Madame, if you don't have your boarding pass...
Rachel: I have it,
I have it, I have it. Oh, okay, I can't find it, but I remember
that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.
Gate attendant #1:
Madame, you must have your boarding pass..
Rachel: Okay,
fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having
this problem.
[Scene:
The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running.]
Ross: Hey, I need
a ticket.
Phoebe: Just one?
I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it
works out?
Ross: Fine, two
tickets, I need two tickets.
Phoebe: We're on
our honeymoon.
Ticket agent: And
the destination?
Ross: I don't
care. Whatever is the cheapest.
Phoebe: I'm so
lucky I married you.
[Scene:
The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
Rachel: Oh! Shoot!
Damn it! Where is it? Oh! Oh! I found it! I found it!
(She
runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
Rachel: Hah! I
found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a
different person.
[Scene:
The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start
looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Ross: Okay, flight
421 to Paris. I don't see it, do you see it?
Phoebe: No, did we
miss it?
Ross: No, no, no.
That's impossible. It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes.
Phoebe: Maybe we
have the flight-number wrong. God.
(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is
still packing in her apartment.)
Monica: Hello.
Phoebe: Hey, it's
me. Here's Ross.
Ross: What? Hey,
hey, listen..
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her
babies.)
Monica: Oh my God!
Ross, you wouldn't believe the cute little noises the twins are
making. Listen.
(She
holds the phone down to the twins.)
Ross: Monica?
Monica, Monica, Monica, Monica..?
Monica: Oh, I'm
sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.
Ross:
That's alright. Listen, listen.
Monica: Oh, wait,
wait, wait! Here they go again.
(She
holds down the phone to the twins again.)
Ross: Monica?
Monica, Monica, Monica, Monica..?
Monica: Isn't that
cute?
Ross: That is
precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.
Monica: Oh, okay.
Alright, it's flight 421. Leaves at 8:40.
Ross: Yes, that's
what I have. It's not on the board.
Monica: That's
what it says here. Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.
Ross: What?
Monica: Newark
airport. Why, where are you?
Ross: JFK.
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut
to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate
attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the
door and locks it.)
[Scene:
Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the
birds out of the foosball-table.]
Joey: (yelling)
Don't worry, you guys, we're gonna get you out of there.
Chandler: And
we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy
the table.)
Joey: Okay. Here
goes.
Chandler: What's
the matter?
Joey: I need to
say goodbye to the table first.
Chandler: I
understand.
Joey: Okay. Table,
you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan,
Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make
us look good. You wanna say anything?
Chandler: I don't
know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players
as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good
game, good game, good game, good game.
Joey: Okay, here
we go. I can't do it.
Chandler: Well, I
can't do it either.
(Monica enters.)
Monica: Hey! Did
you find them?
Joey: Yeah,
they're stuck inside the table!
Chandler: We have
to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
Monica: Oh, well
sure. This gotta be so hard. I'll do it. Gimme!
(Monica grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to bust
it open.)
[Scene:
Phoebe's cab. She's driving faster than ever before.]
Ross: Phoebe! Wow!
No, no, no!
(Phoebe screams.)
Phoebe: Well, I've
never gone this fast before.
Ross: Phoebe,
forget it, okay? Newark is - is like an hour away. There's no
way we're gonna make it in time.
Phoebe: She's got
her cell, you could call her.
Ross: I am not
doing this over the phone.
Phoebe: You don't
have any other choice!
(She
lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her
purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the
wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her
cell-phone rings.)
Rachel: Hello?
Phoebe: Rachel?
Oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: (To Ross)
For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the
right airport.
Ross: Yay.
Phoebe: Uh, Rach,
hang on.
(Phoebe tries to give her phone to Ross, but he won't take it.
He mouths "no.")
Rachel: Phoebe? Is
everything okay?
Phoebe: Uhm,
actually no. No, you've... You have to get off the plane.
Rachel: What? Why?
Phoebe: I have
this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong
with the left Philange.
Rachel: Oh, honey,
I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane.
(The
passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a
little nervous.)
Rachel: Alright,
look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I
get to Paris.
(Rachel hangs up.)
Passenger #1: Uhm,
what was that?
Rachel: Oh, that
was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the
plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong
with the left Philange.
Passenger #1:
Okay, that doesn't sound good.
Rachel: I wouldn't
worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and
you know what? She's almost never right.
Passenger #1: But
she is sometimes.
Rachel: Well...
(The
passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead
compartment.)
Rachel: Wait, what
are you doing?
Passenger #1:
Well, I can't take this plane now.
Air stewardess:
Excuse me, sir, where are you going?
Passenger #1: I
have to get off this plane, okay? Her friend has a feeling
something's wrong with the left Philange.
Rachel: Could I
get some peanuts?
Passenger #2:
What's wrong with the plane?
Air stewardess:
There's nothing wrong with the plane.
Passenger #1:
Yeah! The left Philange!
Air stewardess:
There is no Philange!
Passenger #1: Oh
my God. This plane doesn't even have a Philange!
Passenger #2: I'm
not flying on it!
Air stewardess:
Ma'am, please sit down!
Passenger #3:
What's going on?
Passenger #1:
We're all getting off. There is no Philange!
(Everybody walks out of the plane.)
Rachel: This is
ridiculous! I...
(She
notices that everybody is leaving.)
Rachel: Yeah,
okay.
(Rachel leaves as well.)
[Scene:
Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the
foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Monica: Alright.
My job here is done.
Chandler: That
was... Impressive.
Joey: Yeah, you
didn't even use the tools for most of it!
Monica: Yeah, they
were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the
babies. I'll see you girls later.
(Monica leaves.)
Chandler: Sorry
about the table, man.
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: You
gonna buy a new one?
Joey: Probably
not. Nah. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you
go.
Chandler: Well, at
least we got these little guys out.
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Aww, we
were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things
crapping in my hand, huh?
Joey: I'm gonna
miss these little guys. It was nice having birds around again.
Chandler: Hey, you
know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Yeah, I
mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd
have their own room.
Joey: I could get
a goose!
Chandler: You
know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
Joey: Thanks man.
Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And,
and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to
come visit.
Chandler: I think
there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy
handshake?
Joey: Uh, lame
cool guy handshake, yeah.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other,
and then they hug.)
[Scene:
The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line,
and they're about to board the plane again.]
Gate attendant #2:
Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.
Passenger #2: And
you fixed the Philange?
Gate attendant #2:
Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole
lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.
(Rachel walks up to the gate. Cut to Ross and Phoebe who come
running up to the gate.)
Ross: Where is
she?
Phoebe: I don't
see her.
Ross: Rachel!
Rachel Green!
Phoebe: There she
is!
Ross: Rachel!
Rachel!
Gate attendant #2:
Wow, excuse me, sir, do you have a boarding pass?
Ross: No, no, I
just have to talk to someone.
Gate attendant #2:
I'm sorry, you cannot go any further without a boarding pass.
Ross: No, no, no,
but...
Phoebe:
(screaming) RACHEL!!
(Rachel comes back to the gate.)
Rachel: Oh my
God... What.. What are you guys doing here?
Phoebe: Okay,
you're on.
Rachel: What?
What? Ross, you're scaring me. What's going on?
Ross: Okay, the
thing is..
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: Don't go.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Please,
please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.
Rachel: Oh my God.
Ross: I know, I
know. I shouldn't have waited 'till now to say it, but I'm..
That was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I
love you. Do not get on this plane.
Gate attendant #2:
Miss? Are you boarding the plane?
Ross: Hey, hey. I
know you love me. I know you do.
Gate attendant #2:
Miss?
Rachel: I - I have
to get on the plane.
Ross: No, you
don't.
Rachel: Yes, I do.
Ross: No, you
don't.
Rachel: They're
waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry.
Ross: Rachel?
Rachel: I'm so
sorry.
(She
boards the plane.)
Ross: I really
thought she'd stay.
Phoebe: I'm sorry.
(Phoebe hugs Ross.)
[Scene:
Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the
twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Monica: Well,
that's it. Everything's packed.
Chandler: Wow,
this is weird.
Monica: I know.
Joey: Yeah. Uh,
does this mean there's nothing to eat?
Monica: I put
three lasagnas in your freezer.
Joey: I love you!
(He
hugs her. Phoebe enters.)
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: So did you
guys make it in time?
Phoebe: Yeah,
yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway.
Chandler: Where's
Ross?
Phoebe: He went
home. He didn't want to see anybody.
[Scene:
Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages.]
Rachel: (on the
answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the
plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things
to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you,
and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things...
And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the
stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even
get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I
love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you!
Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: (on the
answering machine) Excuse me?
Air stewardess:
(on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!
Rachel: (on the
answering machine) I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to
get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love love
them.
Air stewardess:
(on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
Ross: Let her off
the plane!
Air stewardess:
(on the answering machine) I am afraid you are gonna have to
take a seat.
Rachel: (on the
answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
Ross: Try to
understand!
Rachel: (on the
answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that
you can just let me off...
(The
message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
Ross: No! No! Oh
my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: I got off
the plane.
Ross: You got off
the plane.
(He
walks over and kisses her.)
Rachel: I do love
you.
Ross: I love you
too, and I'm never letting you go again.
Rachel: Okay.
'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I
don't wanna mess this up again.
Ross: Me neither,
okay? We are - we're done being stupid.
Rachel: Okay. You
and me, alright? This is it.
Ross: This is it.
Unless we're on a break.
(Rachel gives him a look.)
Ross: Don't make
jokes now.
(They kiss again.)
[Scene:
Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding
the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross
and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely
empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Monica: Okay,
please be careful with that. It was my grandmother's. Be
careful.
(Two
other men are rolling the big white dog out of the apartment.)
Monica: If that
falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
(She
slips them some money.)
Ross: Wow.
Rachel: I know. It
seems smaller somehow.
Joey: Has it
always been purple?
Chandler: (to his
children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And
it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more
important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Phoebe: Hey, do
you realise that at one time or another we all lived in this
apartment?
Monica: Oh, yeah,
that's true.
Ross: Uh, I
haven't.
Monica: Wait a
minute. What about that summer during college that you lived
with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?
Ross: Do you
realise we almost made it ten years without that coming up?
Monica: Oh, honey,
I forgot. I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.
Chandler: Oh,
okay.
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave
their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave
them as well.)
Phoebe: So, I
guess this is it.
Joey: Yeah. I
guess so.
Monica: (crying)
This is harder than I thought it would be.
Chandler: Oh, it's
gonna be okay.
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets
the stroller with the twins.)
Rachel: (crying)
Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you
have some time?
Monica: We got
some time.
Rachel: Okay,
should we get some coffee?
Chandler: Sure.
Where?
(They all leave the apartment.
Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while
Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody
walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the
apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the
counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole.
The screen fades to black.) |
